The Wonderful World of Craig's List: How to Make Your Written Ad "Sound" Like Billy Mays

I hate this. I really do. But I have to admit it, right here for all the world to see. I know what OxyClean, Hercules Hook, Awesome Auger, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Mighty Mendit, Mighty Putty, Big City Slider Station, all of these products are. Why? Because of this man:


"Hi! Billy Mays Here!"

Billy is probably a really nice guy in real life. He has been quoted as saying that he actually uses all of the products he endorses. That's way cool.

Problem is I tend to change the channel when good ol' Billy is on the screen. I'm not sure why he's sold so many products because his voice is monotonous and only resounds at one level: LOUD. I personally am not lured in, but hey, there definitely have to be some people out there listening and buying.


Billy participates in both infomercials and direct response television advertisements. These are commercials designed to "represent the viewpoints and to serve the interest of the sponsor." The commericals tell the viewer to take immediate action, such as "call now" because the offer is only available for a limited time, supplies are limited, or the offer is only available on TV.


It is possible to accomplish this with the written word. In our writing, we can be just as loud and obnoxious.


Let me point you to this ad. CLICK HERE. I wasn't able to find it on Craig's List, but the link is the post from the blog Bad Ways to Sell Your Horse. The following is the text.


Beautiful HORSES for SALE! DUKE $1000.00 and DANCER $600.00! Plus everything needed for them is available! Come and See! Call Justin At TAYLOR STABLES for more info on these two! 000-000-0000

!


The Area's newest HORSE FACILITY!


We have BOARDING available for your new Horse Purchase or any others you may own! Our family run, family owned FARM has many features! We have Indoor Stall boarding at a Very Affordable Price of $200.00 per Horse, per month. Includes Hay and Water. These stalls will have individual turn-outs this spring! They are clean and coated with shavings! Our outdoor boarding is also at a Great Price of $125.00 per Horse, per month! Includes Hay and Water. They also have Shelter!! Both plans have for your use: Huge Indoor Arena, Outdoor Round Pen, Indoor Heated Viewing/Lounge, and Tack room! We care for your Horse just like you DO! Become a part of our Equine family!


TRAINING is also available for your new Horse Purchase or any others you may have! SPRING is just around the corner (maybe!) get your Horse ready! Can't ride him? Don't have time to train him? Let a Professional do it for you! Our Head trainer Justin does it all from the Ground up! Whatever your needs are! Having problems, need just refreshing, no Problem too Big or Small! Give us a Call! Very! Very! Affordable Price of $375.00 per Horse, per month! Also included as a bonus: We will give YOU Riding Lessons on your horse while it is here for Training, if you wish!


Speaking of RIDING LESSONS! You may need Riding Lessons once you have Purchased a new Horse! Or you may know someone who wants to learn to ride too? Well we have a Professional to help you DO just that! Since we are a Family Oreinted Facility, bring Everyone! Let Them All Learn to RIDE! From Beginners to Seasonded Riders who just need pointers! We can teach YOU! Also for SHOW, SHOW! SHOW! Award Winning Teacher Kim! Call, get Started TODAY!


Your new Horse may need his or his pals Hooves Trimmed! We do that too! We have a FARRIER who will come to YOUR HOUSE! Or you can bring your Horse here to TAYLOR STABLES! It is only $25 per Horse, per Trim!


Remember to call about the Horses we have for sale here at TAYLOR STABLES! Also Check Out Everything we havefor them! 000-000-0000


Now, when you read this ad, do you get the impression that Billy Mays himself wrote this ad? I certainly do. There are some blatant no-nos in this ad that make it so hard to read that my eyes start to bleed.


CAPITALS. CAPITAL LETTERS GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU ARE YELLING! HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN AN EMAIL IN ALL CAPITALS? MANY TIMES YOU FEEL VISUALLY BOMBARDED BY THE TEXT AND IT WILL CREATE A SENSE OF URGENCY.


Capitalization. Capitalizing Letters Makes Words Stand Out, But It's Just Not Proper English. It's Also Extremely Difficult To Read. Our Minds View Capitals As The Beginning Of A Sentence, So Reading Becomes Choppy And Erratic And Mentally Confusing.


Exclamation points. !!!Exclamation points should only be used when something is extremely important!!! Ending every sentence in an exclamation point is visually exhausting! Yes, farrier care and proper training are important, but I don't need to be bombarded by it!


Pitches. Pitches are usually lines like "Are you tired of paying too much?" or "But wait! There's more!" This ad has that same type of verbage that creates a pitch-like feeling. Want to learn to ride? Have friends who do too? We have professionals who can do just that! These are designed to make you feel like you must have this product and no other product will do, that these people are the only ones we can trust.


Honestly, I don't know if these people intentionally did this or not, or if they were just trying to get their ad noticed so decided to make it a pretty complex ad. Whatever the goal, overall, I believe this ad does one of two things:


1) Causes people to believe that if they don't ACT NOW, they will NEVER get this Fabulous Opportunity again! Suddenly, horses and horsemanship are as quick, easy, and disposable as a Hercules Hook.


2) Annoys the hell out of those of us who know better.


I don't need my horse, his boarding, and his overall care to be equal to a 2-minute infomercial. There is a time and place for this, and advertising your stable is not one of them.