The Murder of the English Language

Signing Off...For Now

2009-08-18T22:56:00.002-07:00

Well, this is what I get. I started this blog when I was bored at work and then subsequently out of work. Now that I am back to work, in a job I really enjoy, and am teaching riding lessons on a regular basis, I just don't have time for all my blogs anymore.

So, for now, I'm saying goodbye on this blog. I may come back at some point. But I'm going to leave it up so that the references are available to those of us who care about what we're writing and how our written skills are viewed by the public.

Thanks to everyone for their support. May your sentences always be perfectly structured, and may dangling participles, lolspeak, bad spelling, and lack of punctuation never plague you.

~ Andrea

SWDYT?

2009-08-06T21:07:00.003-07:00

Okay, I have to be honest: I'm a texter. No, I'm not on Twitter, but I am on Facebook. (I don't like MySpace, though--too cluttered and difficult with all the HTML code you have to know.) When I got the upgrade to my phone, I specifically got one with a slide-out keyboard so I wasn't struggling with using the number pad to text. My thumbs are a bit fat for touch screens, though.

I was looking for some unrelated information this afternoon and I ran across this article:

Quick! Tell Us What KUTGW Means

It's a good, honest look at texting. Times are a' changin', and we have to be ready for these kinds of things.

Of course, texting has further murdered our poor language, but I have to admit, it is extremely convenient to be able to "write" in abbreviations, specifically textspeak. Abbreviations I use most often are:

LOL: Lots of laughs or laugh out loud
ROTFFOL: Rolling on the floor full of laughter
ROTFLMAO: Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off
JMO: Just my opinion
JMHO: Just my honest opinion
WTF: What the fuck
WTH: What the hell
OMG: Oh my God
PITA: Pain in the ass
TTFN: Ta ta for now (Tigger's mantra from the Disney Winnie-the-Pooh films)

While our poor language suffers, this is actually one act of attempted murder that fits in my world. *SIGH* I'm sorry. But at least I only use the abbreviations that I am sure I know...note the last sentence of the article. OOPS. (Not an abbreviation--the actual word.)

TTFN!

Paul Brians' Common Errors in English

2009-07-30T10:04:00.006-07:00

In looking up the word "laundromat" for a transcription, I came across this website gem: Paul Brians' Common Errors in English. NEAT! Should be tons of fun looking up words and seeing what the errors are. I'll have to do a post about it sometime soon. I will add this to the sidebar on this blog for all to enjoy!

Pronunskiation Part 3

2009-07-22T17:21:00.003-07:00

Still having problems uploading those pictures. Can't find my memory card for my phone my husband had at his work and gave to me, so I'm trying my best to just run across it and pretend like all is well and not tell him I have lost--ahem, excuse me, accidentally misplaced it.

In the meantime...

Well, now that I am officially a transcriber, I can claim to be an even more amazing grammar guru. You could say I am now a Captain of the Grammar Police.

I was reminded today of a common problem we all run into: mispronunciation of city names, street names, people names, etc. Now understandably, when you're not from the area, it can be extremely hard to pronounce things. But what I REALLY can't stand is when people ARE from the area and they STILL can't pronounce it right.

Here in Arizona, we have some pretty whacked out names. Lots of them are American Indian, while others are Spanish/Mexican words. You know you are truly an Arizona native when you can pronounce saguaro, Ajo, Canyon de Chelly, cholla, Gila monster and ocotillo with ease and fluidity.

However, we also have the following, which I shall promptly complain about.

1. Prescott. This is a small city in northern Arizona. It is famous for it's gigantic rodeo and small-town atmosphere. I'm sure those of us in the GPD can look at this word and see it as "PRES-cot." But this is not how to pronounce it. No no no. It is pronounced "PRES-kit." And yes, native Preskitians will smack you in the face (or at least give you a very scathing look) if you pronounce it wrong.

2. Guadalupe. Guadalupe is not only a street name in the East Valley of Phoenix, it's also a very small town south of Tempe. It's also a Spanish name. However, most people in Arizona DO NOT pronounce it in the native tongue as "WHA-da-loo-peh." They pronounce it "GWHA-da-loo-peh." That's pretty sad, since the town is made up of mostly Spanish and American Indian people who hardly speak English as it is.

3. Casa Grande. Now this seems extremely straight forward. Casa Grande is another small town in the East Valley in Arizona. But is it pronounced as it should be in it's native tongue, "CAH-sah GRAN-day?" NOPE. It's "CA-sa GRAND." I'm not kidding on this. And if you put a bit of a twang in the Casa part, then you're really a native of Arizona.

Of course, I know this is not unique to Arizona. And really, when it's a city or street name, you just never know, especially if it's someone's last name. And we all have a right to be angry when it's not pronounced correct to the local pronunciation. As Data (DAY-tah) on Star Trek: The Next Generation said when Dr. Pulaski kept pronoucing his name wrong:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1tHYx_sr6o

Although I can only imagine the hodgepodge of sounds that come from the French words in Louisiana.

And for your viewing pleasure, this is a mispronunciation by my favorite comedian's sidekick. I've been watching Jeff Dunham, Peanut, and Jose the Jalepeno on a Stick since I was a kid. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3E8a-yNy6w

(Sorry for not using the embedded feature--I'm having trouble with figuring it out. I'm a Captain of the GPD, not the Internet!)

Dude, what is wrong with me?

2009-07-09T22:42:00.002-07:00

I hereby publicly apologize for the bad grammar in the first sentence of my last post. Using "road" twice like that sounds horrible. What is wrong with me? Oh wait, I know. It's because I tend to write these posts too late at night when I should be going to bed. Like now.

More murder victims to come... I've taken some more pictures and need to figure out how to upload them from my phone that is telling me there's not enough memory to upload the pictures on my phone. *SIGH* Technology: can't live with it; you can't kill it.

Apostrophe Catastrophe

2009-06-28T21:29:00.005-07:00

Today I was on the road and saw a sign on the side of the road advertising puppies for sale. Since I wasn't driving, I didn't ask the driver to stop so I could take a picture. But I certainly committed it to memory. Here's what the handwritten sign said:

Rott-Pit Puppy's xxx-xxx-xxxx

So I assume that the phone number is the Rott-Pit Puppy's phone number.

The second thing I saw, about 2 minutes later, and I'm not exaggerating that, was a sticker on the back of a Dodge pickup truck.

Eatin' Chevy's

Shittin' Fords

Now, what's really sad about this is that in "eatin'" and "shittin'", the apostrophes are used correctly.

It's like the world has turned into a first grade classroom, and we need teachers walking along the streets editing signs and posters with a red pen and giving grades.

Medication Mishap

2009-06-24T16:10:00.002-07:00

I bought some glucosamine/chondroitin pills for my dog today. Here's the dosage information.

Directions for Use:
One/half (1/2) tablet per 40 lbs of body weight daily.

*SIGH*

One half, people. ONE HALF.

Ah, the misuse of punctuation. Some of my favorites are as follows.

1. That music is from the 1980's. (In this case, the apostrophe makes 1980 possessive. The 1980s do not OWN the music. Although Chaka Kahn owns the night.)

2. Prices start in the 200's. (Aw, isn't that nice? The 200s have a place for us to start some prices!)

3. Hard hat's required in this area. (While someone can argue that the person is wanting to say "Hard hat is required in this area," wouldn't it just make more sense if we just took out the apostrophe?)

Mostly I see these mistakes on signs, especially ones for housing developments. Which leads me to this little article I found on the Tuscaloosa News website: Misspellings on signs becoming the norm.

God's help us.

The Transcriptionist's Nightmare

2009-06-04T21:56:00.002-07:00

This entire week I have been in training for my new job: a work-at-home transcriptionist! I am SO excited because this is my dream job. I have wanted to work from home for years and even studied medical transcription. So it's so great to now get the opportunity to do this. Yes, I'm a bit of a hermit, what can I say?

I am going to be doing legal transcription of insurance companies and law firms for interviews they have with the clients. They record them and send them on to us to transcribe them. We get them from all 50 states. So you can imagine what we will have to deal with on a regular basis. Dialects, accents, you name it, we'll have to deal with it.

So in class, we were given some examples that the company I now work for has actually run into. I hope these come out in writing as well as they did when I was told about them!

#1: A man in Boston was interviewed about an accident. He was asked to describe his day. He started out by saying that his day was a "parade of horrors." However, in his thick Boston accent, things got a bit changed around. The transcriptionist typed that his day was a parade of W-H-O-R-E-S.

#2: A man in the deep south was describing his route he was on when the accident happened. He said quite plainly that he had passed the "far station." The transcriptionist thought what's a far station? Oh wait: FIRE station!

#3: This one happened to a friend of mine who is not a transcriptionist. She was on the basketball team in high school, and their coach was a short man from New York. His wife also hailed from the city that never sleeps. She came in to the gym one day to see him. My friend had never seen her before, so she didn't know who she was. She asked her if she could help her, and the woman said she was looking for her husband. My friend wasn't sure who she could mean, so she asked her to describe him to her. She replied that he was "shoart and bold." My friend thought bold? That's an interesting way to describe a person. Then it hit her. Short and bald!

#4: My personal favorite. I think I've actually heard this one in joke form somewhere. A medical transcriptionist is having a really hard time with a word her doctor has said on his tape. She is desperately looking for the diagnosis of pholenfremetry. She tries different spellings but to no avail. Finally, at her wit's end, she goes to the doctor and asks what exactly is that diagnosis. The doctor looks at the paper, then listens to the tape. "Ah, I remember this one," he finally says. "The man had fallen from a tree."

Any other stories floating around out there? It'd be fun to hear them!

Washington Post Neologism Contest

2009-05-26T22:52:00.004-07:00

I heard on the radio this morning that the Washington Post has released this year's winners of their neologism contest. To define, "neologism" is a word that has been given a new meaning, use or expression. It is also a definition in psychology as a word that is coined by a psychotic patient. For the WP contest, contestants are asked to either take an existing word or change a letter or two in a word to make it into a new word, and then give that word a definition.

Anyway, I ran into a problem, as is typical when you get information from the Internet. I thought it would be good to post a link to the WP article about it. All I could find was references to the same neologisms I've read year after year. So I started researching. I found out that this particular contest has been going on since 1998, and it is a weekly contest. The list I'm about to post was from several years ago--I can't quite pinpoint the year. Nowadays, neologism isn't the only thing WP holds contests on. Each week there is a new grammar contest of some kind, and really, they're a lot of fun to read. Click here for The Style Invitational, the blog that holds the contests. You may have to subscribe to the WP, but it's just an email subscription without any strings attached, i.e., no money required or annoying emails in your inbox.

Of note is this fun contest from a few weeks ago (because I know several of you are horse people): every year, the names of 100 racing thoroughbreds are listed. The contestants much "breed" these names and come up with a resulting foal's name. The winner (and this really made me laugh): Sir Phenomenal x Empire State = Knight Who Says NY Here is the post that includes all the submissions for this contest.

Here is the neologism contest results from several years ago that I heard about today. Enjoy, and be sure to start using these words in your regular vocabulary just to freak people out!

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. This year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n.) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5. Inoculatte (v.) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6. Hipatitis (n.) Terminal coolness.
7. Osteopornosis (n.) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
8. Karmageddon (n.) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
9.Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. Glibido (v.) All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

The Wonderful World of Craig's List: When It's NOT Okay To Has Bad Grammar

2009-05-12T21:50:00.008-07:00

Well, honestly, for a Grammar Police Officer, it is NEVER okay to have bad spelling, but I find that there are places where it's becoming so commonplace that we are starting to accept it, e.g., Craig's List. However, I do believe that even on Craig's List, there are places where we should always, always, ALWAYS do a proofread before posting!

So, let's see. What's a subject that we want to make sure we spell everything right when we advertise? Of course! DAY CARE SERVICES!

This was the third ad I clicked on. It doesn't take long to find the uneducated, or just plain stupid.

Let's break it down, shall we? Of course we shall!

First: ALL CAPS ARE ANNOYING! AND WRONG! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT! I swear, the Caps Lock button should be banned from all keyboards.

HI, DO YOU STILL NEED CHILDCARE? WELL THEN I AM THE ONE FOR YOU.. I BEEN DOING CHILDCARE FOR 13 YRS. I WORKED IN DAYCARE CENTERS .AND MESA SCHOOLS .

But obviously you didn't learn anything while you were there. I hope to God you weren't a teacher.

I HAVE 2 KIDS . CPR/FIRSTAID., DO LESSON PLANS AND ABC,123

BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! OMG, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT! I'm crying, I'm laughing so hard!

COLORS SHAPES STORY TIME. ECT.

What does ECT. stand for?

I COME FROM A LARGE FAMILY IN LAW ENFORCEMENT..!!!

So I got guns all thruout the house for your little ones to find and potentially blow their heads off!

MY HOURS ARE YOUR HOURS. MONDAY - SATURDAY. AND OVERNIGHT CARE.

However, your Sunday hours are not mine. Does this woman even have a comma key on her keyboard?

MY RATES ARE LOW SO PARENTS THAT ARE TRYING TO MAKE A DECENT LIVING FOR THERE FAMILY, HAVE A SAFE PLACE FOR THERE LITTLE ONES TO COME AND LEARN AND HAVING FUN.

"Come and learn and having...?" Wha--?

SO CALL AND MAKE A APPOINTMENT THANKS

Who needs the "n" in "an?" We're in law enforcement!!!

NEXT!

WE ARE BETTER THAN COMMERCIAL!! DHS, DES, SUMMA, INTEL PREFERRED PROVIDER, PENDING NATIONAL ACCREDITATION. WE HAVE A 4-1 RATIO OR LESS. THREE PROFESSIONAL TEACHERS ON STAFF. WE HAVE FULL AND PART TIME OPENINGS AVAILABLE. WE TEACH PHONICS, MATH, SCIENCE, HANDWRITING SKILLS. WE ARE NOT LIKE ANY OTHER HOME DAYCARE YOU HAVE SEEN. PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR ANY APPT.

You know, it's hard for me to trust someone to teach my child phonics when their ad sounds like they are from a Japanese game show. "YOU WANT MILLION DOLLAR?!!!????"

Here's a simple example of how not to advertise yourself.

Hello, I am looking to be a daytime babysitter. I live in Cooley Station and because I have no vehicle, I am looking to babysit within walking/bike riding distance. I will come to your house and I am available all day, everyday up until mid evening. I am 25yrs old and have 2 boys of my own ages 6 and 2. I am reliable, friendly, and a positive person. My children will not be with me when I watch your children so I can give them my full attention. I will charge 3.00 an hour or 20/day. If anyone is in need of my services, reply to the ad and I will reply promptly with my phone number. Have a nice day! Ana.

No reliable transportation. So what happens if you need to take them to urgent care? And where the hell will your kids be? Left at home by themselves? Creepy.

A Helpful Dictionary For the Rest Of Us

2009-04-30T22:26:00.003-07:00

So I go on the Fail Blog because I am an I Can Has Cheezburger addict and have to look at their spinoff blogs because, well, I am curious when it comes to spinoffs. Even with movies and TV shows. Except for the TV show Joey: 5 minutes of that travesty and I was outta there. I am also a HUGE Star Trek: The Next Generation fan, but I believe that Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise tried too hard.

On the Fail Blog, their tagline says "Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Failed Moments."

Now, I consider myself a mid-range, Internet savvy person. But I had absolutely NO idea what "pwnd" meant. So I typed it into Google and got this great answer. This answer made perfect sense to me since I am not a gamer, so I probably wouldn't have known this.

This is a pretty neat website: The Urban Dictionary. I have run into it several times. It is written by anyone who wants to put their slang information on there, so some of it's totally jacked or f'ed up, but some answers are solid. I think you'll be able to tell the difference.

So pop a squat (definition #3) and explore, but don't drink the Kool-Aid. I gotta jet--gotsta check in with my peeps on FB (definition #3). Later.

P.S. Picard is the best ST Captain EVA (definition #3).

Government Goofs: He said what?

2009-04-15T21:01:00.008-07:00

I am literally watching the movie Religulous right now.

Well, not literally--I've paused it to write this post. This is a great film. Honestly, we could all learn something from this movie, whether you are religious or not, whether you believe in God or not. It's fascinating to learn so many different views and how so many people cannot back up what they say about religion with facts (both refuting and defending it).

Anyway, I have paused the film so I can type this post. I'm at about 30 minutes into the film, and Bill Maher is interviewing Mark Pryor (D), the U.S. Senator for Arkansas. Here is a quote directly from this guy's mouth.

Pryor: "For example, look at the teachings of Jesus. He's very forgiving."

Maher: "He also said 'if a man doesn't abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch in withers, and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned.'"

Pryor: "Right. So? [laughter] I do think, because I'm a Christian, that Jesus is the way to be reconciled. And I do believe the actual literacy of that story. We'll let God sort out all the details of that at Judgement Day."

Okay, huh?

This was so out of place that the director actually put "Literacy?" at the bottom of the screen when Pryor said it.

From dictionary.reference.com:

Literacy – noun
1. the quality or state of being literate, esp. the ability to read and write.
2. possession of education: to question someone's literacy.
3. a person's knowledge of a particular subject or field: to acquire computer literacy.

I am questioning Sen. Pryor's literacy right about....NOW.

Guess they'll let anyone be in a policital office, huh?

Side note: I assume that Sen. Pryor meant that he believes in the literal meaning of that particular story. But you all know what happens when you assume: you make an ASS of U and ME.

Post edited 10 minutes later: Later in the interview, Maher challenged Sen. Pryor to the fact that how can a man who believes in a talking snake (ref. Garden of Eden) has been elected to help run our country? Sen. Pryor replied: "You don't have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate, though."

Ladies and gentlemen, WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF POLITICS.

The Wonderful World of Craig's List: How to Make Your Written Ad "Sound" Like Billy Mays

2009-04-07T10:10:00.005-07:00

I hate this. I really do. But I have to admit it, right here for all the world to see. I know what OxyClean, Hercules Hook, Awesome Auger, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Mighty Mendit, Mighty Putty, Big City Slider Station, all of these products are. Why? Because of this man:

"Hi! Billy Mays Here!"

Billy is probably a really nice guy in real life. He has been quoted as saying that he actually uses all of the products he endorses. That's way cool.

Problem is I tend to change the channel when good ol' Billy is on the screen. I'm not sure why he's sold so many products because his voice is monotonous and only resounds at one level: LOUD. I personally am not lured in, but hey, there definitely have to be some people out there listening and buying.

Billy participates in both infomercials and direct response television advertisements. These are commercials designed to "represent the viewpoints and to serve the interest of the sponsor." The commericals tell the viewer to take immediate action, such as "call now" because the offer is only available for a limited time, supplies are limited, or the offer is only available on TV.

It is possible to accomplish this with the written word. In our writing, we can be just as loud and obnoxious.

Let me point you to this ad. CLICK HERE. I wasn't able to find it on Craig's List, but the link is the post from the blog Bad Ways to Sell Your Horse. The following is the text.

Beautiful HORSES for SALE! DUKE $1000.00 and DANCER $600.00! Plus everything needed for them is available! Come and See! Call Justin At TAYLOR STABLES for more info on these two! 000-000-0000

!

The Area's newest HORSE FACILITY!

We have BOARDING available for your new Horse Purchase or any others you may own! Our family run, family owned FARM has many features! We have Indoor Stall boarding at a Very Affordable Price of $200.00 per Horse, per month. Includes Hay and Water. These stalls will have individual turn-outs this spring! They are clean and coated with shavings! Our outdoor boarding is also at a Great Price of $125.00 per Horse, per month! Includes Hay and Water. They also have Shelter!! Both plans have for your use: Huge Indoor Arena, Outdoor Round Pen, Indoor Heated Viewing/Lounge, and Tack room! We care for your Horse just like you DO! Become a part of our Equine family!

TRAINING is also available for your new Horse Purchase or any others you may have! SPRING is just around the corner (maybe!) get your Horse ready! Can't ride him? Don't have time to train him? Let a Professional do it for you! Our Head trainer Justin does it all from the Ground up! Whatever your needs are! Having problems, need just refreshing, no Problem too Big or Small! Give us a Call! Very! Very! Affordable Price of $375.00 per Horse, per month! Also included as a bonus: We will give YOU Riding Lessons on your horse while it is here for Training, if you wish!

Speaking of RIDING LESSONS! You may need Riding Lessons once you have Purchased a new Horse! Or you may know someone who wants to learn to ride too? Well we have a Professional to help you DO just that! Since we are a Family Oreinted Facility, bring Everyone! Let Them All Learn to RIDE! From Beginners to Seasonded Riders who just need pointers! We can teach YOU! Also for SHOW, SHOW! SHOW! Award Winning Teacher Kim! Call, get Started TODAY!

Your new Horse may need his or his pals Hooves Trimmed! We do that too! We have a FARRIER who will come to YOUR HOUSE! Or you can bring your Horse here to TAYLOR STABLES! It is only $25 per Horse, per Trim!

Remember to call about the Horses we have for sale here at TAYLOR STABLES! Also Check Out Everything we havefor them! 000-000-0000

Now, when you read this ad, do you get the impression that Billy Mays himself wrote this ad? I certainly do. There are some blatant no-nos in this ad that make it so hard to read that my eyes start to bleed.

CAPITALS. CAPITAL LETTERS GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU ARE YELLING! HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN AN EMAIL IN ALL CAPITALS? MANY TIMES YOU FEEL VISUALLY BOMBARDED BY THE TEXT AND IT WILL CREATE A SENSE OF URGENCY.

Capitalization. Capitalizing Letters Makes Words Stand Out, But It's Just Not Proper English. It's Also Extremely Difficult To Read. Our Minds View Capitals As The Beginning Of A Sentence, So Reading Becomes Choppy And Erratic And Mentally Confusing.

Exclamation points. !!!Exclamation points should only be used when something is extremely important!!! Ending every sentence in an exclamation point is visually exhausting! Yes, farrier care and proper training are important, but I don't need to be bombarded by it!

Pitches. Pitches are usually lines like "Are you tired of paying too much?" or "But wait! There's more!" This ad has that same type of verbage that creates a pitch-like feeling. Want to learn to ride? Have friends who do too? We have professionals who can do just that! These are designed to make you feel like you must have this product and no other product will do, that these people are the only ones we can trust.

Honestly, I don't know if these people intentionally did this or not, or if they were just trying to get their ad noticed so decided to make it a pretty complex ad. Whatever the goal, overall, I believe this ad does one of two things:

1) Causes people to believe that if they don't ACT NOW, they will NEVER get this Fabulous Opportunity again! Suddenly, horses and horsemanship are as quick, easy, and disposable as a Hercules Hook.

2) Annoys the hell out of those of us who know better.

I don't need my horse, his boarding, and his overall care to be equal to a 2-minute infomercial. There is a time and place for this, and advertising your stable is not one of them.

Acronyms With a Sense of Humor

2009-03-30T09:25:00.002-07:00

There's a great website called Acronym Finder where you can look up just about any acronym ever concocted and find out its meaning. I use this a lot in my work because I run across a lot of government acronyms. Some of my favorites because of how they are said outloud are WAPA*, DOT*, and of course, LUST*.

Today, I found out that Acronym Finder not only has a plethora of acronyms, they also have a sense of humor as well. Click here and note the 17th definition for CODE.

*WAPA = Western Area Power Administration
DOT = Department of Transportation
LUST = leaking underground storage tank

The Wonderful World of Craig's List: A Tasty Treat That Will Slice Your Tongue Off

2009-03-27T08:20:00.010-07:00

I ran across this ad today on Craig's List.

I know exactly what she's referring to. The horse is an orangish-color with white spots, so she's comparing it to those wonderful tasty treats, the vanilla ice cream with an orange sherbert coating. But honey, it's a called a CREAMSICLE bar.

This is a Creamsicle bar.

I did not realize they came in raspberry as well as orange. These are also known as 50/50 bars. Creamsicle is the brand name. Deee-lish! You can go to Baskin Robbins and order orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream in the same bowl to create the same effect. There are also various alcoholic drink mixes out there with these names. Even more so dee-lish!

THIS is a sickle.

It is used to slice through the stalks of such crops as wheat or corn. The sickle is usually held sideways by the handle with the blade end against the palm so as to swipe the blade backwards to cut the stalks. The Grim Reaper, aka Death, is usually depicted as carrying a long-handled sickle.*

As far as I know, it does not belong in your mouth because 1) it won't fit, 2) it's sharp, and 3) it would probably slice your cheeks open if you were to put it in your mouth. The only good reason I can find for actually putting it in your mouth is if you are some crazy Jason/Freddy/Michael Meyers killer-type person who wants to rip people's heads open by sticking a sickle in their mouth.

Spelling, people, spelling.

*Edit 3/27/09: Priscilla was kind enough to remind me that Death does not carry a sickle, he carries a scythe. That girl is on top of things! Thanks, Priscilla! I'm going to keep the picture up, though, because it's just cool.

Wordplay

2009-03-25T12:02:00.002-07:00

Today I was sent this video by a friend.

This sparked an idea for a post. But be prepared: I'm going to shock you a bit. Ready? Here goes.

The English language can actually be fun! Really, I promise!

Just as in any profession, lifestyle, hobby, and other part of our lives, puzzles and jokes exist in the English language. The puzzles can be like the video above: based in the structure of the English language and how words are written and put together. The jokes can be wordplay, or they can make fun of the English language itself.

Some of my favorite English language jokes are these.

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"Well, I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says, "Hey! We don't serve your kind here!"
So the rope leaves. He thinks about the situation for a moment, and then ties himself in a knot and unravels the top portion of his body. He then goes back into the bar.
The bartender sees him again and says, "Aren't you that piece of rope that just left here?"
"No," says the rope, "I'm afraid not."

This is my absolute favorite joke of all time.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he's drinking, a tiny, foot-tall man jumps out of his suit pocket, runs over to the piano in the corner, and starts playing.
The bartender is fascinated. "Wow!" he says. "Where did you get him?"
"Oh," says the man, waving his hand, "there's this lamp down on the beach, and I rubbed it and a genie popped out. I got it from him."
The bartender is really excited, so after the bar closes he heads down to the beach. Sure enough, there's the lamp. He rubs it and the genie pops out.
"I will grant you one wish," the genie says.
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender says.
All of a suddent, a million ducks start flying out of the sky and attacking him. The bartender races home, slams his door shut and fights to keep the ducks from crashing through his door and windows all night.
The next day, he's exhausted. Then the same man from the night before comes in and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, that genie of yours is an idiot! I wished for a million bucks last night, and a million ducks came flying out the sky and were attacking me!"
The man looks up at the bartender and says, "Hey, man, do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

Then, of course, we have the watermelon-smashing comedian Gallagher, who continued to show us the crazy side of the English language. Click here for a sample of his work.

Here's a website that will amuse you for hours if you're a big nerd like me. Fun With Words - The Wordplay Web Site. Enjoy!

Special note: I have been asked many times about my handle for my blogs. Most people pronounce it "kat-foo-tee," or "kat-foh-tee." Only once in my lifetime has anyone ever gotten it right. Can you?

New posts coming soon!

2009-03-21T00:18:00.001-07:00

Sorry everyone--I have had a really monotonous week. I started writing two different posts, but both got interrupted and now I have to rethink them all over again.

So, wanted to say that yes, I'm still around, and I swear I will have a few new posts soon! Catch you then, and feel free to send in any suggestions or comments to include on this blog!

Couldn't resist....

2009-03-11T11:31:00.001-07:00

From Loldogs, Dogs 'n' Puppy Pictures - I Has A Hotdog!

Pronunskiation, Part 2

2009-03-08T20:22:00.005-07:00

"Supposibly. Supposibly. Did they go to the zoo? Supposibly." ~ Joey, Friends

So many--okay, several of you added in your verbal pronunciation pet peeves in response to my first Pronunskiation post. There were some good ones in the list! Let's go over them.

From Pricilla:

Rowt. "Rowt" for "root." Well, if she means the word "route," then actually, that's one of those words that is correct pronounced both ways. I find that I use "rowt" when I am talking about directions, but I say "root" when I talk about the song or the highway "Route 66." If I'm wrong on which word you mean, Pricilla, please forgive me--I've never heard "root" being pronounced "rowt!" That's a new one for me!

Kum-PAIR-uh-buhl. I have to say that I am guilty of this one. I actually always pictured "comparable" in my head as being spelled "compairable." Sad, huh? The correct pronunciation is "KOM-per-uh-buhl." I have seen in dictionaries both pronunciations listed, but "KOM-per-uh-buhl" is usually first as it is the most widely used.

Mis-CHEE-vee-us. *SIGH* I'm guilty of this one as well, even though I know the word is spelled M-I-S-C-H-I-E-V-O-U-S. I tend to picture the word as being spelled M-I-S-C-H-E-V-I-O-U-S. From http://dictionary.reference.com/:

Pronunciation note: Pronunciations of mischievous with stress on the second syllable: mis-CHEE-vee-uhs, or, less commonly, mis-CHEE-vuhs, instead of on the first: MIS-chuh-vuhs, are usually considered nonstandard. The pronunciation mis-CHEE-vee-uhs, with the additional syllable, occurs by analogy with such words as previous and devious.

Oops.

From Meghan:

NU-kyuh-lur. I really, REALLY hate that one. I mean for crying out loud, the word is spelled the way it's pronounced! Nuclear = NU-clee-ur! From http://dictionary.reference.com/:

Pronunciation note: In pronouncing nuclear, the second and third syllables are most commonly said as klee-er, a sequence of sounds that directly reflects the spelled sequence cle-ar. In recent years, a somewhat controversial pronunciation has come to public attention, with these two final syllables said as kyuh-ler. Since klee-er, the common pronunciation of cle-ar, might also be represented, broadly, as kluh-yer, the kyuh-ler pronunciation can be seen as coming from a process of metathesis, in which the “l” and the “y” change places. The resulting pronunciation is reinforced by analogy with such words as molecular, particular, and muscular, and although it occurs with some frequency among highly educated speakers, including scientists, professors, and government officials, it is disapproved of by many.

AS-ter-ik. Nope, kids, the second "s" should be pronounced. Asterisk = AS-ter-isk. Not too hard, really!

AR-tik. Man, I hate this one, too. Arctic = ARK-tik. Once again, another word that has lost some of its consonants.* Please pronounce both of them!

Meghan also said she is guilty of pronouncing the "t" in "often." Actually, speaking the "t" or not are both correct--both pronunciations are listed in standard dictionaries.

From MustangCT:

PRAH-lee. That's a really good one. Right up there with "supposibly." That seems likely to be a laziness-type pronunciation, really. It's removing one syllable and letting your tongue loll. Probably. PRAH-llllee. Okay, it's hard to get that effect in writing, but you know what I mean. I hope.

I was also reminded of another one that I really hate when I was at Quizno's a while back. I was looking at the flatbread sammies, and a light bulb went on. Sammich! Oh man, that's just a piece of venacular that bugs the living crap out of me. A friend of mine and I used to make fun of that word when we were in college. He was drunk one time and we went to dinner, and he ordered a "French bread sammich." We about died laughing on that one, and it was an inside joke for quite a while.

So, I imagine that "sammies," a term for a small sandwich, came from "sammich." UGH. Nothing like a mispronunciation spawning a commonly-used term.... I did try to do some research on the word but couldn't find anything. If you do, let me know!

Oh, and to see the video of Joey contemplating the word "supposibly" on the TV show Friends, click here and watch starting at 6:42 minutes.

*edited 3/9/09: I just noticed I put "continents" instead of "consonants." *SIGH* That's what happens when you update your blog late at night....

Del Taco Grammar

2009-02-27T20:34:00.005-07:00

Here's what I was sitting in line behind at the Del Taco Drive-Thru tonight.

Close up:

I know, you're shocked: I EAT AT DEL TACO. It's strange, but true.

I see this a lot, really. Inappropriate uses of the apostrophe. It's really very uncomfortable for me. It's like a man running around naked in the street--there is something dangling there that I just didn't need to see.

Hmmmm, I smell a theme post coming on....

Government Goofs, Part 3

2009-02-19T09:29:00.003-07:00

I have a feeling this catagory is going to grow and grow.

*SIGH* Proofread, proofread, proofread!

Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra, Ra, RA!

2009-02-13T21:29:00.017-07:00

I should probably save that title for Christmas, but I couldn't resist. If you're my age (30-something), then you probably remember the classic film A Christmas Story. And you probably remember the end of the film, when the Bumpus hounds infitrated the Parker family home, descending upon the succulent Christmas dinner turkey with no appreciation for the hours of labor cooking and keeping Mr. Parker away from it, and destroy what was left of a pink-bunnied, broken glasses, killer icicles, and bowling-balls-to-the-balls filled Christmas. So, the Parkers go out to eat to the only restaurant in town that is open on Christmas: Chop Suey Palace Co.

You don't remember it? Oh. Well, here's a video reminder.

So today, I was googling for some photos I was once sent that illustrate the true difficulties we run into in the English language. These were photos of various signs in Asian countries in places like airports and at tourist attractions that had the translation of the text in English to help their English-speaking friends in their country.

See, the English language is very difficult for those who do not speak a Latin-based language to learn. Actually, it's even difficult for those who DO speak a Latin-based language to learn. This is because we do not have feminine and masculine gender words, and we have many words that can mean the same thing, and many things that can all be represented by the same word. While this is hard enough for Latin-based language speakers to decipher, imagine if you don't speak a Latin-based language and have to learn something entirely new with entirely new characters to represent each letter.

So, we can do a little research and find that many Asian-based languages just don't translate well to English. Just watch a really serious Asian film like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sometime, and watch it with subtitles. Sometimes the weirdest phrases will be written on your screen. But overall, you know what they meant--it's just that the words themselves don't translate completely.

Anyway, I haven't found the photos yet. But I did run across this totally fun website.

http://www.engrish.com/

This website is a blog that posts mistakes in translations from Asian languages to English. Here are some little samples to wet your noodle.

Oh honey, look! Herpes is on sale! We can stock up! Oooo, maybe that means crabs are on sale, too.

Read this one closely--there are actually four mistakes.

I hate it when my planetaly system is defenced. How am I going to keep my citizens inside the compound? Oh wait, I could put them in cases...but then they could be decased. *SIGH* Although I imagine the situation would be clitical only if the women were decased....

Man, how disappointing is that going to be for someone who needs a hand grenade in a hurry?

And to keep with our Christmas theme:

I just hope to God they're not trying to reference the Holy Trinity here.

Have fun browsing www.engrish.com!

Tangent: From The Big Read

2009-01-29T11:42:00.005-07:00

I thought this was a great post from one of the folks who commented on my last post. This should also go down in your files as proof that I actually am curious about the kinds of people who post on my blogs. I like pea_faerie already, even though I can't spell her moniker to save my life.

Click here for the link to pea_faerie's journal. And enjoy the following.

The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Strike through any books you would rather poke yourself in the eye with than read ...
5) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6. The Bible - various authors
7. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
~~10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens~~
11. Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
16. The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch – George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
~~23. Bleak House – Charles Dickens~~
24. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows– Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
~~32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens~~
33. Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34. Emma – Jane Austen
35. Persuasion – Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41. Animal Farm – George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47.Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale – Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50. Atonement – Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52. Dune – Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary – Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children – Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72. Dracula – Bram Stoker
~~73. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett~~
74. Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses – James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal – Emile
79. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession – AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web – EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94. Watership Down – Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Feel free to copy and repost... I'm ashamed of some of the stuff I haven't read...

Me too, pea_faerie, me too.

Pronunskiation

2009-01-28T21:23:00.004-07:00

"It's pronounced i-GREE-jee-uhs." ~ Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End

Okay, this is a big pet peeve of mine. I can't stand it when people won't pronounce a word correctly. And yes, I say WON'T. Don't give me any of this "can't" crap. Accents aside, there are words in the English language that are spelled a certain way and therefore must be pronounced a certain way. Let's explore, shall we?

Warsh. OMG, I absolutely hate this pronuciation. WTF? There is no R in wash! Why is it that people insist on using this word? I know some people claim it to be a Redneck cultural thing. Trouble is, I hear people from all over the U.S. use this word. Is there any way we can just delete it from the English language? I hear that word and my teeth bristle.

Febooary. There are two Rs in February. Please use both of them.

Acrost. My father-in-law used this one. "We have to drive acrost the bridge." No joke. Why must we add letters to our words? Beats me.

Gwakahmolee. Here's an example of how the English-speaking populous can completely ignore the original language. The correct pronunciation of guacamole is wah-kuh-MOH-leh. The G is silent.

Ruul. Can't recognize it? It's rural. From the dictionary, ROOR-uhl. ONce again, note the two Rs. Rs seem to be avoided all to often.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg--I'm sure there are a lot more out there. So if you think of any, add a comment to this post and let me know!

Website Fail: Why Proofreading Your Website Should Be Considered Mandatory

2009-01-21T22:04:00.005-07:00

So I went to the doctor today, and the December 29, 2008 issue of Sports Illustrated was there. No, I don't usually read SI, but on the cover was one of the Michael Vick dogs and she was just so damn cute, so of course I had to read the article. Did you know that 47 of the 51 dogs seized at Vicks' house have been adopted or are being rehabilitated as we speak? Only 4 dogs were put down (2 died in the shelter, 1 was too agressive and had to be put down, and 1 died of severe medical issues). Isn't that amazing? I love happy endings, especially when it comes to former fighting dogs.

I also read a couple of other articles while waiting, not to say I really understood what I was reading, but they were general articles that I could get the gist of what they were talking about. One such article was The Worst of the Best Year Ever - You Can't Make This Stuff Up by Kevin Kerr. Kevin gave us some great little sports blips about stupid blunders that happened during the year of 2008. One has to do with grammar, so I had to share it with my adoring fans. Hmmm, maybe I should start merchandising to get more money. Sports figures seem to be able to do it just fine. We could come up with a fun logo of like a dictionary being stabbed, or of a Jack the Ripper type figure ripping apart a thesaurus....no? Phooey.

The American Family Association has rigged its websites so the word "gay" is automatically replaced with the word "homosexual." Hence, an AP story picked up by the AFA site One News Now about an American sprinter's victory began, "Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials."

Government Goofs: Part 2

2009-01-20T17:00:00.004-07:00

Indecision really can make things difficult. Especially when buying a new, custom-made truck. Here's a request for bid from the FDA.

Gosh, what do I do? Do I want two trucks or four? I could get two Ford trucks with all the bells and whistles, but man, I do like those Chevys....OH HECK, we're the GOVERNMENT! We can afford whatever we want! Let's just get too more, too!

Kiddy Korner - When Mistakes Are Okay and Terribly Funny

2009-01-20T16:38:00.005-07:00

Okay, we can't fault a kid who's obviously learning how to spell, so I am not harping on this kid. This is an excellent effort on his/her part. I just thought this was hilarous and had to include it. I just wish I could see the teacher's reaction when she read this.

Government Goofs: Part 1

2009-01-07T15:01:00.007-07:00

I had to start a series titled "Government Goofs." Why? Well, I have done a lot of work for the gov't for the past 10 years or so. It's all been through a consulting company of some kind (environmental, construction, whatever), but it's still work for the gov't.

So at my current job, I'm assigned to studying the online Federal gov't listings of requests for bids. See, when the Federal gov't needs something done, no matter what branch or city, they put out a request for bid. Some are closed to only certain people, some are open to the public. My company looks for bids where we can supply materials, construction in our area, whatever.

This sounds glamorous, but I assure (not insure or ensure) you, it's quite tedious and boring to read this stuff. Sometimes I come across some pretty cool requests for bids: one was for some reconaissance robots in the field, another for grenade launchers. Some are just downright weird, like a request for 8,000 hand can openers. I guess it's in case they want to open more than one can.

Anyway, I was browsing along yesterday, and I came across a title for one of the requests that made me laugh outloud. The Department of Veterans Affairs is looking for some work to be done at one of their hospitals. However, this is the title that they so haphazardly gave to the project (click for a larger view):

Obviously they're in dire need of it, too, since it's in all caps.

This is actually a request for some construction improvements to a mental health facility. Although I know some people talk about our government as if this title is correct as is.

Really, though, the government isn't all that bad. We know this because they hire all kinds of people with all levels of intelligence. Here's an example of the government taking pity on a computer program writer, or coder, and hiring him/her to help create the bid opportunities website that I browse.

See? This person doesn't have that great of a grasp of grammar, and he still got a job. Isn't the government kind?

More government goofs to come....

The Wonderful World of Craig's List: How to NOT Sale Your Stuff

2009-01-06T21:27:00.013-07:00

Craig's List is so much fun. Really, it is. And yes, I use it. It's a great place to post stuff for free. But of course, "free" also means that you're likely to find posters from the bottom of the gene pool, where suffocating molecules are bound to create bad grammar.

Our first little gem (click the pic for a larger view):

Murdered text: Nicer Mtn. bikes - $100200

WOW. I mean, I know bikes can be expensive and all. I've seen some off the shelf in the stores for $2000+, and I know some can run in the high thousands. But $100200? MAN. No wonder Lance Armstrong needed to go back to racing: he needs more sponsorship money so he can afford a decent bike!

Let's also point out that these are "nicer" mountain bikes. So nicer than...what? A bouquet of flowers? A sunny day? Christian Bale's physique in Reign of Fire? What, exactly?

Have to point out something horsey, of coursey. I spend most of my time in the farm & garden section when I'm on Craig's List.

Murdered Text: 2 Horse Stright Trailor - $800.

For those of you who don't have horses, this is known as a straight-load trailer because the horses stand straight when riding in it. A slant-load trailer is where the horses stand at a slant when riding in it, which is better on their physique. I don't think this type of travel would have any effect on Christian Bale's physique in Reign of Fire.

I would imagine that a "stright trailor" is how you would say "straight trailer" in a Cockney accent. "Oy, wha 'appened 'ere? Ay tol' you ta buy a slaint-load, not a stright trailor!"

Murdered text: I am in College & no longer have horses!

And it's quite clear that they unfortunately let you in only because they desperately need the money. It wasn't based on your amazing grammar skills, I Can tell you that Right Now!

Murdered text: I need the money and need make room for my next project.

What's "make room," and what do you need it for?

Of course, we can also point out that "mare" shouldn't be capitalized, she forgot about punctuation a few times, and probably goes to a community college. (Okay, bad joke, I know.)

Proofreading is a wonderful thing. Just typing up your text on Word and running the spelling/grammar check before putting the text in your ad can save you here. I hope to God none of your professors see this ad.

EDITED 1/10/09: Thank you to HorseNoir for pointing out that "professors" shouldn't be capitalized, which is what I had. "Professor" should only be capitalized if there is a name after it, as in Professor Dumbledore. To err is human. To really mess things up, you turn off your spell-checker.

Another chuckle from the farm & garden section:

Murdered text: LET YOUR GARDEN LOOK BEAUTIFUL...

Yes, let it. I know my garden believes she only looks pretty now, but I must let her look beautiful.

...WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL...

In case I haven't already used the word "beautiful" twice before in this ad.

...(natural stone) FOUNTAIN THIS IS 7 FEET AND GREY COLOR,...

Now, this is actually a BIG pet peeve of mine. "Gray" and "grey" have two completely different meanings. "Gray" is the color, especially if we are coding Internet colors. "Grey" is a name or idea (such as a grey mood or "that falls in a grey area"). However, I have since learned that "grey" can describe a color as well. I guess the difference between gray/grey is very much a grey area. HA. Click here for more on "gray" and "grey."

...I PAY $1,200...

You pay $1,200, me love you long time!

...BUT I'M ASKING $900 obo IF YOU ARE INTERESTING...

I don't like selling things to boring people.

...ABOUT IT I CAN SEND YOU PICTURES, OR IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS PLEASE CALL (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

Now, do any of you remember Mr. Subliminal, or Subliminal Message Man, on Saturday Night Live, played by Kevin Nealon? Unfortunately I can't find a video online of it. But basically he'd be talking along and then all of a sudden in a low voice he'd say a subliminal message. An example from Wikipedia.org:

"...the boy admitted to spray painting cars but he's only eighteen and young people often do stupid and impulsive things they later regret (Shannen Doherty). I happen to think that everyone's entitled to one mistake (Euro Disney). And I'm not saying there aren't those who I'd love to see get a good flogging (Urkel), it's just that I'm afraid we've become so insensitive that we've learned to accept the idea of a man's beating in public (Pee Wee Herman)."

That's precisely what using these lowercase among capital letters makes me think of. Read it as though the lowercase letters are subliminal messages. Weird, huh?

Plus, capitals always indicate to me EMPHASIS, particularly when one is SHOUTING. I DON'T REALLY LIKE BEING SHOUTED AT WHEN I'M LOOKING FOR THE PEACE THAT FOUNTAIN SHOULD BRING TO MY GARDEN WHEN I LET IT BE BEAUTIFUL.

Finally, for all of you out there who were just waiting for this amazing sale, Elvis himself is only $45.

Murdered Text: ELVIS - $45

Oh, and for the ladies, in case you didn't see Reign of Fire.

NICE.

Cake ReX Blog

2008-12-29T22:26:00.004-07:00

Cake Wrecks. This is by far one of my favorite blogs of all time. It's full of cakes that have "gone horribly, hilariously wrong." It might be the design, the colors, or best of all: THE SPELLING. Or lackthereof.

For example, this lovely little gem, posted on Christmas Day 2008, references right back to the first post I put up here.

As The Fearless Blog Owner and Original Cake Wreck Reporter so conveniently pointed out:

"Let it is snow?"

Basic grammar rule for contractions, people. Look it up.

So, without further ado, click below for some of the best spelling errors you'll ever read. Or want to eat. Or not. Either way, enjoy!

Creative Grammar

Mithspellings

Be sure to spend some time perusing Cake Wrecks - you'll laugh until you cry!

Blog Image Issue SOLVED

2008-12-23T12:34:00.002-07:00

I got it fixed! Well, at least for the "Whoorps" post. Really, this is a big deal for me. I'm a Word Processor, Jim, not a Coder....

Blog Image Issue

2008-12-19T08:03:00.001-07:00

Hey all. I'm trying to figure out why we can't click on the picture in my posts and it come up in it's own screen to read. For some reason I can do it on my other blogs, but not this one. So I'll get it fixed ASAP. I have some new posts--just want to figure out this mess first! Thanks!

Whoorps

2008-12-09T15:23:00.015-07:00

You don't have to be a horse person to appreciate this blunder. Click the ad for a larger view.

I'm assuming this person meant either "whole" or "horse." But, if you say those two words together really fast over and over again, you eventually say the word that they actually used.

Horse owners can also note that it should be Dave ChaveZ, not ChaveS.... *SIGH*

Who's Misbahavin'?

2008-12-05T14:23:00.005-07:00

Today, on the front page of azcentral.com, the following quote was posted underneath a caption of an NFL player being arrested. I screen captured the page but didn't want to risk someone getting after me for posting the picture that went with it, in particular, the NFL player himself. So here is the quote by itself, in all it's glory.

Oh, bahave.

The Adds Have It

2008-12-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, advertisers, let's face it: first impressions can be everything. So here is some very basic advice when creating your ads. PROOFREAD. If you don't, you can attract someone's attention, all right, but hysterical laughter at your folly may not be your intended goal.

Let's look at a few examples* I found on the Internet.

This is a screen capture for a TV ad. Not only does Horton Homes not want you to pay to much money, they don't want you to use to many O's. Just like Lip Liner Lady doesn't want to use lipstick--she might look to much like a ho.

When advertising, it's good to know your product inside and out. Especially the name of it. And especially when you post it twice in one newspaper ad.

Hmmm. Maybe this is a new brand of car created to celebrate the end of the Bush administration.

It's usually best to use coupons to help you gain capital, not bankruptcy.

For all you sci-fi geaks! Man, I hope this DVD set doesn't reak.

But no quality proofreading, apparently.

I am ashamed to post these banner ads, for I live in the Phoenix metropolitan area. Okay, not that ashamed. I went to a state univeristy.

They can't spell, but thank God they're accredited.

I think perhaps this spelling error was on purpose. I think they want to stear people away from the Associate's degree and go for a Bachelor's or a Master's so they'll pay more money.

However, this isn't, is it? That's why we get Internet banner ads like this. I assume that Corel WordPerfect doesn't have a spelling/grammar check, either.

An Internet banner ad. Huh. Where did the "P" go?

Oh, here it is. On this banner ad.

And the best for last.

Well, OBVIOUSLY. I think this ad should say "WRITERS NEEDED." There are three mistakes here--see if you can find them.

* All ads shamelessly downloaded from Zone38.

What Happens When the Quality Control Manager is Out Sick

2008-12-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

It's so nice to receive a gift unexpectedly. Really, it is. I started the job I'm in now in January 2008, and of course, Secretary's--*AHEM*, sorry, ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONAL'S Day came around in April. I'm an Admin person, so I received a small bouquet of flowers, a card, a balloon, and (CHA-CHING!) a $200 bonus. We also had free lunch at the office that day. I have since kept the little fake birdhouse the bouquet came in and deflated the air in the balloon and put it up on my office wall. The money was probably spent on some crazy shopping spree at Kohl's or another girly-type store--I can't remember as I was quite overwhelmed. It was a really nice surprise, honestly--the most I've ever gotten on AP Day is a free lunch and a card.

Now, my personal profession is word processing and technical editing. So imagine my horror when I looked up one day at my balloon on my wall and saw this:

Don't worry--It's not necessarily obvious. I'll do a closeup so you can see it:

Hmmmm. I believe this is what is called the Quality Control Manager at the balloon design factory was sick the day this balloon was made. I believe it's also called "IRONY."

The Wonderful World of Craig's List: ITS vs. IT'S

2008-11-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

I think it is quite possible that Craig's List has ruined our society. No Internet security, no spelling check, no grammar corrections, and therefore idiodic assumptions of how to write run amok. It also tells you about the kind of people who are using/buying the product you're selling.

As a horse owner, I look on Craig's List for deals on various horse-related items. I have learned that Craig's List is also the place for morons who breed animals out of control to post that they are selling them. Let's look at this little gem. Note that this was copied and pasted AS IS.

THE TOBIANO IS A BLOOD LINE HORSE..ITS A 1 YR. AND 4 MTHS. THE HORSE HAS BEEN WORKED WITH AND IS VERY GENTLE..ITS NOT BROKE YET CUASE ITS TO YOUNG..WE PUT A SADDLE ON IT ONCE AND IT DIDNT GO CRAZY IT JUST STOOD STILL..WE HAVE PUT CHILDREN ON THE HORSE AND DIDNT DO ANYTHING YOU STILL HAVE TO HOLD THE ROPE THOUGH.. WERE ASKING 1,300 OBO.. YOY CAN CONTACT US AT (XXX) XXX-XXXX

Okay, never mind all the horse mistakes going on here. Let's just say that this little horse needs to be SAVED, not bought. What we will do is use this post to point out a basic grammar rule as this is what this blog is all about.

ITS A 1 YR. AND 4 MTHS. I imagine that this person is trying to point out that the horse is one year and four months in age. The grammar sort of suggests that it owns a year and four months. Hmmm. I've never owned that much time before. Can I charge other people to use it? I guess I can if I'm a lawyer.

ITS vs. IT'S: This really is a tricky subject, and I don't blame most people for having a hard time with it. Most of the time, an apostrophe (the thing that looks like this: ' ) used with an S means possessive. Mom's wedding rings. Sister's dollies. Horse owner's stupid choice to put a KID on a baby horse.

With "its" and "it's", however, the rules don't work. Instead "its" is possessive and "it's" is the contraction for "it is." Confused? Just think of it this way: the apostrophe in "it's" is taking place of the "i" in "is." So whenever you need to use "its" or "it's," say the sentence outloud to yourself.

[its] time to save this horse from these illiterate hicks. = It is time to save this horse from these illiterate hicks. Therefore: use "it's"

The horse must be saved from [its] fate with these illiterate hicks. = The horse must be saved from the fate it possesses with these illiterate hicks. Therefore: use "its"